Whatever the Day May Bring
by Strange Music
Summary: Mash/ER Crossover. Sometimes we all need a person that that shows us just the right way...Ever wondered why Dr. Lawrence is so much like another surgean that we know ; Danger Slash for Mash ahead...non for ER


If you don't know it so far. Slash mean a homosexual relationship between  
two people of the same gender. Don't like don't read  
  
The bad thing about having no real internet-connection beside the one that   
I have on my brothers Computer when he lets me borrow it for a bit.   
  
The good thing I have a LOT of time writing stories. And now after one   
week of no computer I have another finished Full House Story, a few   
more chapters on one of my Buffy Stories, and three more Digimon. Which  
I hopefully will post soon.   
  
And this one.   
  
Title: Whatever the Day May Bring  
Author: Strange Music  
Fandoms: ER Mash crossover  
Pairing: Hawkeye/Trapper and PreSlash Benton/Carter aka there might be romance in a later story but they are only friends in this one.   
Rating: KS - for kissing and snuggling for the MashCouple  
Spoiler: For the end of the sixth Season of ER and especially for the   
Episode MayDay. And big Spoiler for the fate : ( of Dr. Lawrence. In case   
you wonder Dr. Lawrance was played by Alan Alda and way to close to   
Hawkeye for my Muse to ignore.  
Summary: Sometimes we all need a person that that shows us just the   
right way.   
Email: Strange_music@hotmail.com  
Series/Sequel: There will be an ER story to follow. About what happened   
in Atlanta.   
Web Page: Working on a New one.tell you when it is finished  
Disclaimer: I do not own ER and I am way too late to own Mash. Beside   
it would be to complicated if I would own ER ;) My mind is way to   
screwed up for me to be in charge of a show.   
  
Actually I didn't plan on writing this story. All I wanted was to write   
down a few lines about a nightmare that I had. And suddenly Hawkeye   
started talking.  
  
Whatever the Day May Bring  
By Strange Music  
  
We are scared of a lot of things  
  
Shadows moving that might be more than just trees  
  
Noises that carry much better during the night than they would during the   
Daytime. Implying that they hadn't been there all the time.   
  
Our own fantasy shows us all these things.  
  
Creating images that start to take form outside our mind.   
  
At least in our mind.   
  
Yet there are things much scarier.  
  
Life as it plays us the cards of we do our best to deal with it.  
  
And nightmares come true.   
  
In a way they are the scariest of all.   
  
I once dreamed that I would walk through a wall of people that I didn't   
know. Yet they knew me. They talked to me and laughed with me. Yet   
their faces we stranger to me. I thought for someone I know Trap, Henry,   
Raider, Klinger, Margaret. Hell I remember even searching for Frank   
among them.   
  
But they were just faces.   
  
I remember when I woke up the next day.  
  
I felt as if for a moment all I could do was breathe in relieve as I saw the   
familiar sights of the Swamp. Heard the all to familiar noise of Frank's   
snoring and gazed into Trapper's familiar eyes as he looked at me.   
  
He had been worried. Apparently I had made enough noise and   
movement as to wake him up.   
  
In a then growing familiar scene he raised his blanket and I walked over   
to lie down at his side.   
  
We would do it a lot these days.   
  
Especially when the stress of the 4077th seemed to take up everything.   
  
Normally we would talk. He would tell me his nightmare and I would tell   
mine. But not on that day. That day all I did was lie there and look at him.   
As if just by remembering his face the terror of this place and this dream   
would go away.  
  
And then I kissed him.  
  
On the lips.  
  
The lack of shocked expression on his face told me that he didn't mind.   
  
The smile that appeared told me that even more.   
  
But nothing made it as clear as when he bowed down to kiss me as well.  
  
Nothing more happened that day. It was just kisses.  
  
Only later it would change bit by bit to more.  
  
And as I embraced him, I embraced both him and the knowledge that no   
matter what happened he would still return to his family.   
  
I knew it was better than way.   
  
This was just war.  
  
This was just comfort.  
  
This was just a familiar face among too many strangers that I saw each   
day. My comfort that I was still alive. My comfort that I was still a person   
and not a machine making jokes and healing patients.  
  
At least that was what Sid told me when we talked later that week. For   
him the nightmare was just a sign of a mind trying to coup with all this.   
And I admit that after the 5 glass of homemade shoe cleaner it actually   
made a lot more sense.  
  
Yet there were times that I would think of the nightmare and even during   
the day would feel fear.  
  
Years past since then.  
  
A lot happen.  
  
A lot changed.  
  
But now the time has come for the nightmare to come true.  
  
Again I felt the cold clammy feeling as I looked at the people standing   
around me. Looking at me with faces that told me nothing. Standing   
somewhere I didn't know getting.  
  
They looked at me and asked me bout my name.  
  
Apparently it wasn't natural to stand in short shirt around an El Station. It   
might have been in a normal May Day. But not on this.   
  
I understand them as I see my breath slightly cloud as I breathe out.   
  
Even thou I have no recollection of coming here I do know what it was   
that brought me here.   
  
It was my mind, which is starting to fail me more and more these days.  
  
And even when I fought it I knew it was a loosing battle.  
  
Still when had this ever stopped me before.   
  
And just at this moment I turn around and finally glimpse the sign of a   
familiar face.  
  
Giving me a reason to divert my thoughts.   
  
A young man standing there only a few yards away from me. Brown hair   
slightly ruffled by the wind and his hands stuck deep into the coat he was   
wearing.  
  
His eyes looking down. As if he was about to avert the people around   
him.   
  
And lost.   
  
He definitely looked lost.  
  
I remember him from the hospital that I worked.  
  
And even when I knew that I couldn't help myself. I decided that maybe I   
could help him.  
  
***~~~*~~~****  
  
I stared at the pattern of the tram rail.   
  
Knowing that they probably shouldn't make that much sense.  
  
But in my life there was so little making real sense anymore that it didn't   
surprise me at all.  
  
I stared at them as I saw their faces pass me again. The looks they had   
given to me as they gazed at me in horror and disgust.   
  
And disappointment.   
  
I think it was Benton's face that had hurt me the most.   
  
Not Kerry who's 'Let me help you' expression had looked at me.  
  
Not Dr's Green's face that reminded me of my father when he was about   
to scold me over something bad I'd done.  
  
Not any of the others that stood in that room and made voice of their   
judgement of me.   
  
It was Peter Benton standing silently in the corner. And without a word   
just looked at me.   
  
A look that told me that I had just screwed up 6 years of trying to accept   
me as more than his student.  
  
And he was right.  
  
I had made a mistake.  
  
A big mistake.  
  
I heard them tell me that not all was chances were gone. That I still had a   
place with them. If I get into the van and drive to that clinic.   
  
I tried to deny it.  
  
Not to them.but to me.   
  
I had spent so much time during the last few weeks with telling me that   
there was a reason that I took 2 pills instead of the one that stood on the   
package.   
  
Or 3.  
  
Or 4.  
  
That it was so that I could help people. So that I wouldn't be making any   
mistakes when I treat them.   
  
After all it was my job to make them better.   
  
They looked at me to make them better. To not make any mistakes.   
  
Not as the many mistakes that I had done as a human being.   
  
It was just for them.   
  
Never for me.   
  
I wasn't a junkie.   
  
Junkies had arms like Chase had. Arms spiked with the endless track of   
needles.  
  
I didn't have that.   
  
And that much I told them when they asked me.  
  
Yet when they asked me to take of my watch I knew that I had just been   
putting wool over my eyes.   
  
And that was why I left.   
  
They were right. I was a junkie.  
  
And even more.  
  
I had no right to stay here and call myself a doctor.  
  
The thoughts had chased through my mind the moment I left them all   
behind. I could hear Benton's voice calling after me. But I was quicker.   
And soon I had been out on the street.  
  
Breathing in carbonoxinated air, cursing that it's poison was only slow.   
  
Not knowing what to do next at all.   
  
And this was had brought me here.   
  
To this El Station. Looking at the rails as if in their pattern I could   
somewhere find an answer. Yet only seeing patterns of the things that I   
had lost.  
  
Kerry's smile while we were unguarded in the safety of her house. Not   
having to be my boss. Contempt with being just my friend.  
  
Lucy as she beamed in pride about a praise of mine.  
  
Dave grin as we stood at the reception and joked.  
  
Deb as she looked at us in exasperation.   
  
And Peter Benton as he looked down at me and despite the fear in his   
eyes told me that everything would be all right.   
  
I closed my eyes.   
  
Yet it only made the pictures appear clearer than before.  
  
The conversation we had on the day I missed my graduation. The pride I   
felt about the Doctor's coat that he gave me. Neatly sticked the words that   
I worked so hard for to archive.  
  
*MD John T. Carter*   
  
"Dr. Carter"  
  
My head swung in surprise as I heard the words being spoken outside my   
mind. With a voice that wasn't mine.   
  
Following it I felt my gaze fall upon about one of the last person I   
expected to meet.  
  
"Dr. Lawrence. Nice to see you."  
  
I didn't feel like talking but knew it would have been impolite just to   
shrug him of. At least I could ask him the most apparent question.   
  
Yet he was quicker.  
  
"My cloth style is a long story"  
  
Wordless I took of my own coat and held it out for him.   
  
We were about the same size so I knew that it would fit.  
  
He was hesitant in taking it and slow as he put it on.   
  
"Aren't you gonna be cold."  
  
I almost laughed about this. But I couldn't. I didn't want to explain to him   
that I hadn't been cold in some time. Not in the haze of painkillers that   
did their own to keep me warm.  
  
"I am fine."   
  
His eyes drawn together as he looked at me.   
  
"Are you?"   
  
This startled me.   
  
Isn't it strange that it sometimes only takes one question to throw up your   
mind.  
  
I had used this line so many times to my friends and colleges, that by now   
it had become as natural as "Good morning" and "Good bye".  
  
They would ask me if I am okay.and I would answer that I was.  
  
And that would end the discussion. As they would continue to do what   
they had done.  
  
That was how it was supposed to work.  
  
I wasn't prepared to be questioned.  
  
Maybe my blank look told Dr. Lawrence as much without any words of   
mine.   
  
However all he did was smile at me pat me on the shoulder and tell me to   
follow him.  
  
I didn't know where.  
  
But as I didn't have anywhere else to go I just nodded and did.  
  
***~~~*~~~***  
  
As I looked into his eyes I felt as if suddenly I was back in the camp. So   
strong that I almost could smell the muggy air of the jungle.  
  
I had seen a lot eyes like this in that time back in the 4077th.   
  
Young soldiers.  
  
Old soldier.  
  
Privates.   
  
Generals.  
  
Somehow the despair and hopelessness made them all equal.  
  
And what more I had seen them in my own mirror many times.   
  
Especially now that I know that my time around here was starting to get   
short.  
  
I had someone that always brought me back and shown me a reason to   
life.  
  
Looking at this man I was afraid that he had none.   
  
I saw him nod as he accepted my invitation. Following me as if I he was   
my puppet to direct.  
  
And in a way his empty eyes almost made him look like one too.  
  
The tram came in.  
  
And I shuddered at the thought that maybe this bright young man might   
have been no longer with us at this moment.  
  
We entered and sat down.   
  
And as the train started to move I tried to catch his eyes.   
  
I didn't know what his problem was.   
  
All I know that now that I was no longer being able to be a doctor I   
wanted to help this young man in the only way I could.  
  
I remembered him how he had been in my time at the County. Smiling a   
smile that reached up to his eyes. Making it almost appear mischief   
sometimes.  
  
He had looked so young back then.  
  
Not like now.  
  
Now where dark circles under his eyes and almost hollow cheeks make   
him look like he was sick. Slightly shaking hands that weren't shaking   
from the cold.  
  
He tried to suppress it by holding them together to a fist. But even with   
my mind slowly disappearing I could still see it.  
  
All this gave me signs.  
  
But most was the look in his eyes.  
  
Many men before him had held it. A look that told me that this man had   
seen too much. That of all the things in his life he had reached his   
breaking point.  
  
A point that we need all our strength to live through. As it either made us   
stronger or weaker.   
  
I have helped men at this point before. And even when I didn't have the   
abilities that Sid had. My best shot would do too.  
  
"How is Kerry doing?"  
  
An almost sarcastic smile appeared as he leaned his head back on the seat.   
"Last time I seen Dr. Weaver she was up and bossy as always." He   
laughed as if it were a joke that he just made. Yet the laughter held not   
even a trace of humour.   
  
I decided that changing the subject might not be a bad idea. Whatever had   
happened it certainly involved Kerry.  
  
Although I regretted not being able to hear more about my former student   
I let it rest. Dear old Dr. Carter didn't know what true bossiness was.   
Certainly to have never met Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan.   
  
I smiled as I thought of her.  
  
The days as we loved to hate each other. Yet never really hated each   
other. It was just our way to blow of stress. Make the days go by.  
  
Maybe that was what made me take Kerry as a student. Despite her hair   
being red and not blond. Despite being shorter and having her forceful   
walk hindered by the cane at her side. I could see the same fire in her as   
Margaret had had.   
  
Then again maybe her hair did actually add to it. Red-haired people   
always had a little more fire in them.  
  
"I am sorry.it's just"  
  
"No.don't worry it's okay."  
  
Just at the moment the announcer called out my station and motioned him   
to get up. I noticed that he moved slow as if even such a short time of   
sitting had caused him pain.   
  
My look must have been obvious. As he once more assured me that 'he   
was fine'.   
  
Sure.   
  
Who the hell did he think he was kidding with that line anyway.  
  
But again I let it rest.   
  
Not here.  
  
The El was not a great place for deep conversation. Not when my flat was   
only a few minutes away.  
  
We got out of the station and I caught his gaze as he looked around.   
Taking in the surrounding. Seemingly not bothered by the rather rich   
looking houses. And then I remembered that Kerry had told me that   
Carter was of rather rich upbringing so this might not be so noble for him   
at all.  
  
I knew that it would only fair to warn him.   
  
Tell him what he was to expect.  
  
But why should I.  
  
After all there was nothing wrong.  
  
And if I still had the same ability to know people I knew that it wouldn't   
be a problem.   
  
***~~~*~~~***  
  
I looked at the mailbox of the house that we went toward to.   
  
'G. Lawrence MD and J. Trapper MD'  
  
A thought came to my mind. Yet I didn't follow it before I didn't have   
more evidence to work on.   
  
I watched Dr Lawrence as he opened the door and stepped inside. It   
seemed to be good that he was one of the people having their keys in their   
pocket rather than in their coat.  
  
I had carried them like this too for some time. But soon after, Maria's   
dirty looks at my ripped pockets had made me rethink it again.   
  
Then everything happened way to fast.   
  
As for a moment it seemed like I wasn't there.  
  
The soon Dr. Lawrence had stepped trough the door another man had   
appeared. His expression jumping from great relieve to anger to joy back   
to relief and he breathed a sigh.  
  
Turning back to the phone that he was holding in his hand quickly talked   
to the person at the other end of the line. "It is all right. Your Dad is back   
now...no he seems to be okay..I can't say He has only come in right   
now...I will call you later."  
  
And then without another word he put the receiver down.  
  
Still not seeing me he looked at Dr. Lawrence.  
  
"Are you okay Hawkeye?"  
  
The hand that he tenderly brushed over Dr. Lawrence face left not much   
room for imagination about the relationship of the two man. And the kiss   
that followed narrowed it down even more. For a brief moment I   
wondered if Kerry knew but then their voices brought me back to   
occurrence at hand.   
  
"I am all right Trap. Don't worry."  
  
But the look that he received on his assurance shown that the other man   
was worrying nevertheless.   
  
I don't know what he would have said further. As this was the moment   
that his eyes fell on me and he noticed that they weren't alone.   
  
"Dr. John Carter" I introduced myself as I held up my hand.   
  
An assessing look and a short pause later he took it.  
  
"Trapper John" I noticed that he left out his MD but decided that it wasn't   
a good moment to ask.   
  
Then he reached out and with a short nod that told me to stay where I was   
drew Dr. Lawrence deeper into the flat.   
  
A heard the beginning of a heated discussion. No words were clear But I   
think I had seen enough of the situation to know what had happened.  
  
Then the voice rose "Damnit Hawk. This is nothing to joke about. Don't   
you understand..." And then silence.  
  
More minutes passed and just as I felt my back begin to hurt and was   
locking for a place to sit down they returned.   
  
They appeared calm again. But in Trappers eyes the emotions were still in   
uproar.  
  
I didn't know what the had talked but He didn't say anything when Dr.   
Lawrence took my shoulder and walked with me on to the terrace.   
  
He left me there to disappear again.   
  
Showing up only a bit later carrying a bottle whiskey and two glasses. He   
himself was now clad in a pullover that was better fitting for the   
temperature outside.  
  
I waited till he sat down to ask the question.  
  
"You have Alzheimer." wincing as it came out more a statement than a   
question. But it made sense. Especially his behaviour at the hospital.  
  
"Yes"   
  
"Sorry"  
  
He laughed "Young man.there are many things that people have done to   
me. But this one is a thing that only my own body is faulty of."   
  
I must have started to stare at him because he put a glass in front of me   
and motioned me to drink. For a second I stared at the glass like it held a   
poison's potion inside. "I don't think I should drink."  
  
He looked like he might think about objecting let it rest.  
  
Leaning back in his chair he drained his own glass but didn't reach out to   
refill it.   
  
"Now that you know my secret. How about if we talk about yours?"  
  
My mouth closed with an almost audible snap and I only winced as one of   
my moles protest with the treatment  
  
"I assume that something happened to you at the hospital. And I assume   
that this something involved Kerry Weaver. I assume that you made a   
mistake and she chewed you out for it in her lovely manner. And I assume   
that it was something involving anything addictive."  
  
At my loud gasp he just motioned at the still full glass.   
  
I know that he assumed that it was alcohol and I couldn't very well tell   
him that I just didn't want to mix the alcohol with the painkiller still   
cursing around in my system.   
  
And judging from the lack of pain in my back they where still very much   
present in my system.  
  
Still I felt like he had just caught me and I did what I naturally did in such   
cases. I went in defence.  
  
"And if. What would it matter. It is not as if I still had a job at the County.   
Or as a matter of fact if I still will be able to get a job as a doctor   
anywhere else than deep Down Under, the jungle or anyplace else where I   
you are allowed to work without credentials."  
  
"Dr. Carter."  
  
"Call me John. I don't feel like Doctor today."  
  
"Okay.John. And while we are at the truth. You can call me Hawkeye   
while we are around this house."  
  
I didn't dare to ask. But I was puzzled about the name. Enough apparently   
to show.   
  
Reaching for his drink once again yet this time letting is stay without   
filling it up. Just holding the glass in his hands.  
  
"Let us face the facts. You made a mistake. And not a little one as it   
seems. From Kerry's tales about you, you seemed to be level-headed   
enough as to not flip at a small mistake without no reason"  
  
I didn't want to laugh out loud. Yet couldn't stop myself "A mistake. Dr.   
Lawrence that would imply that I just one. And it was a lot more than just   
one. As a matter of fact I think everything of the last few months was just   
a whole row of one mistake after the other. The mistakes I made as a   
person and as a Doctor are too fierce to be forgiven. Especially the ones   
as a doctor."  
  
He looked me in the eye as if only waiting for me to stop talking. And   
when I did he smiled.   
  
Not a sarcastic or patronizing smile.   
  
A knowing smile.  
  
"I remember being like you once. Many many years ago. At least till they   
sent me to a place that didn't forgive any mistakes no matter how sorry   
you felt about them. And still people made them. And they paid for them.   
And you know what. Of all the people that I worked with back then there   
was none that didn't make a mistake. So with those that we couldn't   
repair we worked with. Tried to repair the damage as good as we were   
able and then lived with the consequences of the damaged that we   
couldn't repair."  
  
He leaned back in the chair.  
  
"You were wondering about Hawkeye."  
  
I started to shake my head but he stopped me.  
  
"I had seen it in you eyes."  
  
"Well."  
  
"That is my real name Benjamin Franklin Pierce. Yet called Hawkeye by   
friends and family. "  
  
"But why."  
  
"Why I changed it? Because I made a mistake. I spent a long time in a   
land called Korea. Being a doctor in a war that like so many others didn't   
care if it killed soldiers or children. And more often than not the soldier   
had been children. I came through it all right. With the help of friends a   
lot of homemade brew and only one stay in the nut bin. And I have to say   
that there were times where I actually enjoyed it. It was never a peacetime   
while I was there. But in times where the war wasn't so obvious it was   
actually a place to like.   
  
I even got over the fact that Trapper went home a lot earlier than me. Or   
that I didn't get to say goodbye to him when he did. I did get over the   
friends of mine died while I was there. But Somehow I didn't get over   
that fact of being back at in the United States. I remember how strange it   
all felt. How much like a stranger I felt in a country that was supposed to   
be my home. I guess that was when I first started to think about changing   
my name. When I felt like it would be the best to leave Hawkeye Pierce   
behind at the 4077th of Mash. Along with the other things that I had left   
there."  
  
"So you say that I should change my name."  
  
"No I am not finished. You see Trapper and I started our first tentative   
steps while we were in Korea. Not more because back then he was still   
married. And later in the states I didn't think he would want to see me   
again. I hadn't known that he had gotten divorced and was actually   
searching for me. Because if I would have known we wouldn't have lost   
all those years between. It was only years later at a medical conference   
that we met again."   
  
"And your mistake?"  
  
"Thinking that I was alone. Because I never was."  
  
I looked at him confused "But this is different from my problem."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
***~~~*~~~***  
  
I tried to catch his eyes and to hold his gaze.   
  
"You know..That I spent a lot of time on my life praying that I would be   
able to forget a lot of things in my life. And the sarcasms of live now   
actually grant me this wish. But not like I wanted it. I prayed that I would   
forget the bad things of the 4077th but I am forgetting the good things as   
well. I forget the faces of friends. And I only remember them when Trapp   
tells me their names. And sometimes I have to ask Margaret or BJ."  
  
He still looked in my eyes and then with a strong voice started to talk.   
  
"It is.because you did what you though was right. But I did something   
that I know should have known was wrong"  
  
I didn't say anything. It seemed like he himself had to get the decision to   
trust me. Actually that was the reason why I told him about myself. I   
knew that his story would be different. But by trusting him with my story   
I knew he might trust me with his.  
  
For a moment he contemplated the drink in front of his face. Till I made   
the decision easier for him and drained it by drinking it myself.   
  
"You were right. I am an addict. But it is not alcohol. It is drugs."  
  
I raised my eyebrow. I admit that I thought it would be alcohol.   
  
"Painkiller to be precise. I had a bad accident in February." He paused   
"Or better it wasn't an accident it was an attack. I almost died. And a   
student of mine did die. And what was worse was that it was my fault.   
She had known that the patient would become dangerous and I didn't   
believe her."  
  
I thought about pointing asking if she had lain him in restrains but   
decided that it was better not to stop him.   
  
And talk he did. From the way he sounded I guess it was the first time   
that he had actual talked about all this. The fear, the guilt the nightmares   
and the pain. To wish to go to how it was before. Using the pain meds to   
be back at work faster. To make it appear like before. Yet never   
managing. Not with the pain in his back to remind him every time.  
  
He told me how the pain meds had started to loose their strength and how   
he had taken more just to get the wished for result. And how he had   
started to make mistakes. His eyes kept looking at me as if he waited for   
some reaction of me. Resentment or anger. Yet I know that he found   
neither of them.  
  
"And today they cornered me in the same room that it all started. And   
they gave me a chance to make it all right again."  
  
"You didn't want that chance?"  
  
"How could I? After all that I had done!"  
  
"That isn't important. The fact that you know you made a mistake is the   
first big step. And the fact that Kerry trusts you enough to give you a   
chance tells me that you should try. Kerry is not stupid. She knows   
people. Especially those that she works with. And with you she even lived   
together."  
  
His eyes were unsure as he looked at me. Yet he hang on ever word I   
said. "What was the chance that they have given you?"  
  
"It isn't important anymore the chance is gone. I passed it on."  
  
"Humour me."  
  
"The told me that they had booked a van for me standing outside the   
hospital and a plane ticket lying to Atlanta on the seat. There there would   
be a clinic especially for doctors with addiction. In which they have a free   
place for me."  
  
"But you decided to run."   
  
"Oh yes.." a flash of disgust about his action crossed his face. "Aren't I a   
brave one."  
  
"I think you should try it."  
  
"It is too late."  
  
I looked inside to see Trapper sitting in front of the TV trying to appear as   
if he was watching. Yet I knew that he was keeping an eye on us.   
  
"It is never too late."  
  
***~~~*~~~***  
  
It was an hour later that I found myself standing at the house that Dr.   
Benton lived in. Still hearing Hawkeye's voice in my head 'Go to one of   
the people that had been in that room. The one that you trust the most and   
ask him what became of the car. Ask him what became of the ticket and   
tell him that you want to go to the clinic. They wanted to help you before   
and I am sure they still do now. You are a great young man. Too much   
Compassionate for your own good but you will learn. But what more.   
You have a heart and it is on the right place. This is you chance don't   
loose it.'   
  
He had given me his phone number and told me to call him when I   
arrived there.   
  
I thought I would go to Kerry yet without even realizing I set my destiny   
elsewhere. And that was when I found myself starring at Dr. Benton's   
door at 3 am.   
  
Hesitating to ring but knowing that knocking would have me stand here   
till tomorrow morning it finally reached out.  
  
Sleepy mumbled curses were the first thing that I heard.   
  
And then the door opened and he stood there and just stared.  
  
"Carter.."  
  
"I came here because you were right. I need help. It just couldn't think   
while you were ganging up on me in there."  
  
A dark look regarded me. The face to schooled to allow me see and   
emotion of what he was feeling.   
  
"And now you had it?"  
  
"Yes, with some help I realised it."  
  
With no further word he went back into the room but left the door open as   
a sign for me to enter.   
  
He motioned at a chair for me to sit down and then left the room.   
  
But I didn't feel like waiting for him to wash his face. So I followed him.   
Looking confused as Benton passed the bathroom and went into the   
bedroom. Was he going back to bed?  
  
Just as I decided to ask I saw him open the closet and take out a suitcase.  
  
"What.."  
  
With he natural charm and exasperation he looked up at me "What what?   
You never seen somebody pack a case Of course with all the maids that   
you family has that might very well be possible."  
  
"Why are you packing?" I know that I sounded stupid but the only reason   
that came to my mind was too strange to be true.   
  
"I am going with you to the clinic"  
  
So even strange I had been right. But why. I didn't dare to ask the   
question. And so I just stared as he packed cloth into a small suitcase.   
  
As he phoned into County to tell that he wouldn't be in today or   
tomorrow or the day after. As he knocked on his sisters door to tell her   
that he would be gone for some time and not to worry and as he took my   
arm and pulled me with him on the way to the door.   
  
"I talk with Mark. He said that the tickets of the plane are still valid.   
There had been a later flight on them to give you the chance to catch it   
and give you a chance to pack some things before you do. The good thing   
is that there is a chance to catch the flight. The bad as you live on the   
other side on the town there isn't enough time to get them now"   
  
Closing the door behind them let my arm go long enough to put a back   
into my hand and show me where the car stood. "I put in some things that   
might fit you as well at least for the first few days. Then we can find   
another solution. And Mark said that he would see that he would try and   
get a second ticket to be lain at the airport. As it is the 4:30 am to Atlanta   
he thinks that the chances are high."  
  
He got into the car only at last moment realising that I hadn't moved yet.   
"What are you waiting for Carter."  
  
Despite everything I started to smile. Just the moment I thought that my   
old mentor had been brainwashed by alien he shown me that he was still   
the same old.   
  
I got in the car and as I reached for the seatbelt I looked over to him.   
  
"Thank you."  
  
He just nodded and started the car.   
  
Yet I know that he had understood.  
  
***~~~*~~~***  
  
I lay down the phone.   
  
Carter had called me from the airport.  
  
He had arrived safely and when he told me that there was a friend at his   
side he had sounded almost happy.   
  
I mean as happy as a guy on his was to a rehab clinic could sound. But it   
looked like think for our good Doc Carter where looking up again.   
  
I walked back to Trapper who was waiting for me.  
  
"Safe arrival?"  
  
"Not yet. But he is on the best way to it."  
  
I lay down and felt his arms close around me.   
  
"Still the same Hawkeye. Still trying to change the world"  
  
I crocked a smile and look at him.  
  
"Of course."  
  
And then he kissed me.  
  
I knew that as long as I would know him I would love him.   
  
And I know that he would love me even beyond that.  
  
The End  
  
*phew* Finished and just in time before I might have to give the   
computer back to my owner.  
  
Okay.this story didn't work out the way I thought it would. Especially   
after I was passed the 5th page.   
  
Sorry that I wasn't able to make a happy ending with Hawkeye. But it is   
unfortunaly ER Canon that Lawrence is suffering Alzheimer. :(   
  
Hope you still like it. ;)   
  
And maybe if Muse strikes I will give in to the story that I have been   
thinking about for some time. In which they find out that the old friend   
that diagnosed the Alzheimer had made a mistake. Sorry BJ ;)   



End file.
